Obsession

I have become completely obsessed with food.

I honestly just spent a good thirty minutes converting my grocery list in to a spread sheet. I really wish I could say that this behavior was out of sheer boredom, but really, I have been wanting to do that for a long time now. These incidences are becoming more frequent. I spend almost two hours at the grocery store, I start planning my next shopping list the day after I shop for the week, I spend inordinate amounts of time on the Internet looking for recipes. Have I gone insane? Is this normal? And weight watchers only adds to this OCD I have developed. I spend hours looking up point values for fast food to see how gross it is, or putting every ingredient in there to find out how many points my favorite cake is worth.

Last Friday I sat and looked up the point values for booze. Every different kind. I was really wanting to have a drink and was very curious if I was going to have to forgo food that day to get drunk. The answer is that I would have to skip lunch if I wanted to catch a buzz. I didn't. I savor every single bite of food I am allowed to put in my mouth. Its sad really. I feel like I have sacrificed my more fun self to the health Gods. My dirty little secret though, I am loving it. It gives me a reason to talk and write, and read about food all the time with out anyone going, "No wonder she's chubby." Its more like, "She's finally treating herself well."

And I am. Good for me Right?

Signing off to Google the Point value of a mojito,

-Meg

It's a beating.

Just FYI, I am not one of "those people," but I want to be.

I would really love it if I hopped out of bed, found my work out clothes and skipped happily out of my bedroom to start the day with a smile on my face. Unfortunately, my alarm makes me want to die. My work out clothes make me want to die, and the thought of skipping makes me want "one of those people" to die. How do they do it? Are they just born that way? Do they come out of the womb going, "Man I just ran five miles, my head is so clear, I feel GREAT!" ? If that is the case, why wasn"t I born that way? I feel like I came out of the womb going, "Fuck me that was alot of work, I deserve a chilidog for that."

Here I am though, working out anyway. I joined Weight Watchers too. I really just want to lose some pounds this year. Is that too much to ask? A few (or several) measley pounds? I was talking to one of my best friends that said the most depressing thing I have ever heard when I mentioned that I am ready for working out to be easier to make myself do. He says to me, "I mean this is an idea that we have to get used to for the rest of our lives if we want to stay healthy and young looking." God, are we at the age where this is something that we should be worried about? Thanks alot Josh for that little seed of doubt in my youthful vision of immortality.

Save us all.
-Meg